FRIDAY, AUGUST 13, 2010
there so much i always wanted to tell
today is 13th, yes and 14th is 2moro, which gonna be a brand new life for qize :)
well, honestly, i can't accept and believe the fact that we'll be separated again, i mean even further from each other right now
dear, i know i'm an emotional girl and i've been changing since i came here to new zealand. i can't be happy, i tried but just wasn't work at all. don't blame urself alright, it's my problem for sure, i have to admit that i still can't get myself into the life without you. i'm losing my wings all the times. i know this is foolish and immature but i think my life would be more colorful when u're around.
do you know that the first step i stepped in chch again, after the memorable-dream-like-journey in melbourne, i wished to God could give me just another one minute alone in this world, free my mind and let me have the flashback of my life, what we've been through and what we used to do that make us happy. it's really tough to stop thinking, i want these to be forever, like living in my 'flashbacks', imaginations forever, 24/7. or just lying down on a bed and just think of us, with the accompany of just 3 things: your photos in my laptop, musics, and bear :)
think about the past,
you hugged me in the first night, we're strangers to each other.
after that night, you've been avoiding me, i like the way i hate it because u look so cute.
when u confess to me, its not face to face, even until now im wondering what could it be if its FTF?
that night u hold my hand tight after the movie.
our love starts. u kiss me, face to face.
Langkawi :)
we stick to each other most of the time, feel like the world is beneath us.
things started to settling down, we're a golden couple in other's eyes.
i see you, you see me, true colors revealed and i know that i couldn't find another one like you, ever again.
problems, we fight, we cried, we shout, we tumbled. but we never walk away.
you're like my roller coster, driving me crazy, but i just don't want to stop,
until now.
since the trip in melb, i started to imagine our future life
after you finished your studies, and we come back to each other again.
our own home:) seriously i have a sketch of our future home already.
those lovely things we'll do for each other in the future.
can't stop thinking of we'll be face to face again, after a few years more.
you say you want to spend your life with me.
we're finally together,
Forever.
i sound like a little girl right? yes i know and i will continue to behave like this, day dreaming bla bla bla, just to get your attention. even though i know u really love me and care about me but i still terrified that u might just leave me with no reason left behind or with the reason that we're not good for each other.so afraid you might find someone there, so afraid that things won't be the same anymore, so afraid that i can't control myself to missing you then lead to terrible consequences such as those moments happen in eminem i love the way u lied video.
just so afraid.
thats why my dear, always when we're on phone or skype-ing, every time i hear your voice, i'm stunned, totally. i have nothing to say, because if i start talking, then our conversation will end. silence makes me feel good, because it lasts forever. dear, and do u know that, every time i ask you why u don't have anything to talk, well, it's actually i'm the one that ran out of topic. when there's nothing to share, arguments might be interesting, therefore we fight.
we fight, we cried, we hurt each other, breaking off promises, but we still keep holding on, despite of all the miserable break-ups we experienced.
ze, i hope that u're reading this, because this is something i want you to know. but this is not the end yet, i will keep writing, for u :)
i love you, before. now. future. forever. everlasting.
your pretty love :)
POSTED BY JOLEEN AT 6:18 AM
